Dial the oven to 350F. Grease a 9×13 rectangular baking dish, or two 8×8″ square ones, or some equivalent.

Streusel
Stir together 1/2 cup sugar, 1/2 cup flour, a pinch of salt and 2-3 tablespoons of finely minced lemon zest. Dice 6T firm butter and cut this into the flour-sugar mixture as if to make biscuits. Add drops of lemon juice to get this to hang together a bit, but you want the mixture to be crumbly and loose – you’re not actually making biscuits, after all. Set aside.

Cake
Drop one stick of softened butter and one cup of sugar into the mixer bowl. Put the speed on LOW and let it run for a few minutes, then up the speed 2-3 notches and let it run a few more minutes.

Add two large eggs. Scrape down the bowl and run on speed 3-4 for a minute.

2-3 tablespoons of lemon zest will probably require you to denude 2-3 lemons. DO NOT squeeze all these lemons into the batter – just use one there. Make a glass of lemonade with the others.

Dump in 8oz of plain yogurt. Squeeze the rest of the lemon into the bowl. Scrape the bowl again, then leave the mixer running while you…

Measure one cup of flour, one cup of sugar, one teaspoon of baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, and 1/2 teaspoon salt into a bowl. Stir this together thoroughly.

Take the bowl off the mixer, scrape the beater. Use your spatula to stir the flour into the wet batter. DO NOT BEAT the batter or you’ll have a tough cake.

Now stir in two cups of blueberries. I used fresh frozen ones (as in, I bought many many pints during blueberry season and put these fresh berries directly into the freezer). You can use fresh ones if you feel like paying through the nose for off-season flavorless hothouse berries, or you can use store-bought frozen ones (drain these well and use the juice in a smoothie or cook it down with sugar to make a nicely flavored simple syrup for blueberry vodka martinis).

Spread the batter evenly into your pan(s). The batter is thick and requires persuasion, especially if you used frozen fruit.

Sprinkle streusel mix over the batter as thinly or thickly as you like.

Pop these pans into the oven. Clean up the kitchen. In 30 minutes check the cakes for doneness with a toothpick. Wait just a bit for the cakes to cool so you don’t burn your tongue on hot blueberries.

Eat with coffee, or with milk, or tea.

Mash two well-aged but not black bananas.

Cream together a stick of butter and half a cup of sugar, then beat in two eggs.

Add the banana and a shot of vanilla, and blend thoroughly.

Stir in enough flour plus a teaspoon of baking powder, to make a nice batter. If you’re feeling adventurous you can add some nutmeg, cinnamon, allspice, ginger… Or some dried fruit of some sort, or fresh blueberries…

Turn this into a greased loaf pan and bake at 350F for 45 minutes to an hour or until a tootpick comes out mostly clean.

Cool on a wire rack. Enjoy warm with butter and coffee or tea.

Scrub, slice and parboil small red potatoes sufficient to serve the number of people you’re feeding.

Dice a good piece of ham, sufficient to make you happy with the potatoes to ham ratio.

Drain potatoes.

In a large greased casserole layer potatoes with ham and shredded cheese of choice. For gods’ sakes, don’t use Velveeta, ok? Use REAL cheese.

Finish with a good sprinkle of cheese, then slip this mess into a hot oven for half an hour. If you need to leave it in longer put foil on to prevent overbrowning, and take the foil off about 15 mins before serving so the top can brown up.

Serve with a green veg or a salad and this is dinner. Serve it with fruit salad and this is breakfast.

*** Steel-cut oats, stovetop method

Melt a blob of butter over high heat in a skillet or large heavy saucepot. Add one cup of steel-cut oats (buy these in the bulk section at the supermarket, or pay through the nose for McCann’s brand in the cereal aisle), stir vigorously and continuously for 5 minutes until the oats are toasty and smelling good.

Pour on 3 cups of boiling water, reduce the heat to “just barely”, clap on a lid and leave the pot to its own devices for half an hour or so.

At the end of half an hour use your wooden spoon to stir in one cup of whole milk, or better yet one cup of heavy cream.

Leave the pot on low heat *uncovered* for an additional 15-20 minutes of cooking.

Serve hot with butter, brown sugar, honey.

***
*** Steel-cut oats, crockpot method for feeding an army

You have a monstrous 4-quart crockpot somewhere in the back of your pantry, yes? And you’re expecting leventy-bazillion people for breakfast tomorrow. Don’t panic, do this instead!

Toast two cups of steel-cut oats as described above. Scrape into the crockpot. Add assorted dried fruits – chop the big ones like apricots. At my house I use blueberries, cranberries, raisins, apricots, even dried cherries if I have a few in the cabinet.

Pour in 6 cups of water. Set the crockpot for low heat, put a towel on the lid and go to bed.

Now, this is the part you may not like…

Get up an hour before anybody else is expected to stumble in looking for grub. Stir the crockpot, pour in two cups of heavy cream and set the dial for high heat – and leave the lid off.

Now go make a pot of coffee and enjoy reading the paper in peace before mayhem breaks out in the kitchen.

Serve your crockpot oatmeal with sweetener of choice and butter. I usually put on a bowl of peeled hardboiled eggs as well so that everybody gets a little instant protein with their non-instant oatmeal.

Warning: find a napkin prior to reading. You’ll need it.

HEADLINE: Full-fat dairy products are better for you than plain old water!

The secret to successful grits, I have decided, is to take a cue from Alton Brown’s recipe suggestion and use lots of dairy products.

Alton would have me use 2c water and 2c whole milk to cook 1c of grits. This is good. This is an improvement over Emeril’s recipe, which I used as my trial recipe last week and which uses only water for cooking of grits. Emeril relies on entirely too much cheese to make up for the glaring lack of dairy in the cooking pot, and while I like cheese I have to say Emeril’s recipe is way too cheesy.

Heavy cream and whole milk is the ticket. Water has no place in a proper recipe for slow-cooked grits. Having made such a declaration allow me to give you *my* recipe, which will produce soft creamy grits porridge. I will then give you the adders to make marvelous souffle-like baked cheese grits.

Cholesterol meds not included.

Into a heavy saucepan measure 2c whole milk and 2c heavy cream (whipping cream is ideal use half-and-half [NOT fat-free, ffs] if you must) plus a teaspoon of salt. Add low heat and bring the milk to that state just before “scalding” at which the surface begins to vibrate slightly but there is as yet no yucky skin of milk protein on the surface.

Drizzle in 1 cup of coarsely-ground yellow cornmeal (grits, for you yankees) while whisking briskly. Put on a lid and let this concoction cook. Whisk frequently for the next 20 minutes to half hour, and be sure to get into the “corners” of the pot (don’t get me started on how a round pot has corners, but it does) – lumps and scalds are the enemy of a good pot of grits porrige, I am positive.

At 20-30 minutes cooking time you will have a delectable mass of creamy golden goodness in your pot. Chop half a stick of unsalted butter and whisk it into the grits. Serve hot with syrup, or with brown sugar, or with honey. Mmmmmm!

If you would rather have a cheese grits casserole – it travels well and makes an awesome side dish for any potluck meal – you should now break 3 eggs into a bowl and beat them with half a cup of – you guessed – heavy cream. Drizzle the egg mixture into the grits while whisking like a demon to prevent scrambled eggs. Now whisk in 4oz of shredded cheese; I used extra-sharp cheddar with a bit of asiago for bite.

Pour this into an ungreased baking dish 2qt in size, or into an ungreased glass rectangular cake pan. Sprinkle some cheese on top and slip the pan into a 350F oven for 45 minutes to an hour. The casserole will climb the sides of the pan but will not run over. Possibly it will “pop” like a good souffle and, if you are baking this for home consumption you can amaze and delight your family by deflating the balloon at the table!

Mmmmmmm!